Hartwick College's Student Newspaper

The View From Oyaron Hill

Second Grade Jane


Hannah Warren

College is the perfect time in life to make some new friends, and to further explore the person you’d like to be.

Innocently enough, we may find ourselves exchanging numbers, taking some selfies, and tagging each other in funny cat videos on Facebook. This is a friendship that seems solid, and like it may last way after college ends. Nothing about your movie dates, or Table Rock excursions screams problematic.

The best thing is: it doesn’t even resemble a high school friendship, it’s more raw and hopeful. Both parties have no idea where they will go from that moment forward, but they know that they can always have a deep connection that will follow them wherever they go.

These new college friendships are a lot like your first true love. They seem confusing, and exciting all in one. Continuously, you question how you could be so lucky to have found your best friend. Nothing else has felt so hopeful to you, all of the paths that you have followed have led you to this very person, and nothing, I mean nothing has felt more real since your second-grade best friend. Your little-girl-pact of never making any other friends has resurrected from the ashes and is in full effect. The child within you is screaming for play time, and sleep over dates: but your mature adult self slams on the brakes before another car crash occurs.

So, you take things slow, detailing bits of your life as if they are jokes. Face-masks cover up cracking vibratos in your laugh, and nail polish seems to gloss over the idea that maybe this isn’t the friendship you need. Everyone around you looks so happy, while you feel trapped. Maybe, just maybe this is why your second-grade friendship never lasted past the summer into third grade. Because you never truly learned how to share parts of yourself, or your favorite piece of clothing. This friendship is only really good in a picture, and even then, your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, or your heart.

Second Grade Jane didn’t just take your friendship-pact and run away with it, but she also stole your favorite doll. Yet your parents never fully understand the power that Jane had over you and the hurt that she instilled in your heart. Slowly, however, they will understand that Jane is not allowed to be asked over for play-dates anymore.

Never again did you think you'd make another pact, or be hurt again by a friend. Never did you think that college would be the landmark of your broken heart, and yet again another empty friendship. You let your guard down because this is a new time, and everyone is new. This is where you learn to live, and to find yourself; not a graveyard of friendships.

No one warned you that this friendship was just a reflection of Second Grade Jane taunting you with your doll. No one warned you that this friendship would hurt you more than any breakup with a boyfriend ever could. No one warned you that in order to find your true friends, you needed to be hurt by two Second Grade Janes.

Do not let this wreck you though. Do not give Second Grade Jane the satisfaction of hurting you twice. Pick yourself up and look at all of the beautiful people who stuck by you, who held your hand and let you cry so hard until your tears morphed into manic laughter.

Never let anyone have the power of hurting you. Find yourself, find your friends and take the time to buy yourself a new favorite doll. And never let anyone take it from you again.

So breathe, have a cup of tea, and learn that not all friendships last, whether they are from the second grade or college. Not everything lasts, first loves can walk away without a tear in their eyes. But you, you will cry, and that's because you were affected. You care, and that is something that everyone who loves you will forever hold dear. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. Do not let pacts dictate where you go or who you make connections with. Let this remind you that this didn’t work, because you needed more, and that is perfectly okay.

I know this hurts, but remember that everyone who has been broken by a friend ends up finding someone who loves them more than anyone ever could.

To Second Grade Jane, while you may have stolen my doll and managed to hurt me twice, I am stronger than you. I am a better friend than you. While you may thrive off my pain, I survived. So will every other person you have hurt.

We do not die because of our pain, we will thrive because of our success to live beyond.